Christmas 2020

I hate this month like a dumped ex-lover who’s still completely in love

I hate this month.

I hate it like a dumped ex-lover who’s still completely in love

Like I hate desserts when I’m on a diet

Like I hate everyone who was invited to the party when I wasn’t.

I hate this month with its mock social calendar of virtual events

That I fake my way through (with background Zoom tree)

Smiling and laughing

Part of an online party when I’m really alone

And I can’t get that out of my head.

What I DO get out of my head as quickly possible is each day

Carefully scraping weeks and months out of my memory as I go

Through this year that has surpassed all the other years I believed were the worst.

I hope to remember nothing of 2020.

But as awful as this whole year has been I hate this month

Because December is my very favorite and contains all my favorite things

Except for now.

If I’m among those who live another year, I’ll celebrate next December

with all the friends I didn’t get to see

and all the food I didn’t get to eat

and all the decorations I didn’t have the heart to put up

and all the joy I don’t feel now,

If 2021 gives me that chance.

Photo by author

Originally published at https://www.reginachicana.com on December 22, 2020.