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Grief Allows Grief, So Let It Out
The societally-approved grieving of death can give cover to grieving things we’re not supposed to get that sad about.
I’m not a dog person, but I became surprisingly upset about the death of a dog. Ozzie was the dog my husband and I got while we were married. After Bob ended our marriage, I wasn’t in Ozzie’s life much, but Bob and I are on good terms, so I’d dog sit for him. I knew I’d be sad about Ozzie’s death, but I didn’t expect to wail every day for almost a week over it.
It turns out I wasn’t wailing over Ozzie’s death, or least not just over Ozzie’s death. All over again I was grieving a part of my life. I grieved the end of my marital happiness, the end of Bob’s marital happiness, and the breaking up of the household. I grieved the end of Bob’s and my dream that getting married meant we’d never have to live alone again. I wept for Bob losing his best friend. I felt my pain, Bob’s pain and Ozzie’s pain. Ozzie represented the loss of cherished things I couldn’t fix.
The experience has me wondering about the nature of grief. The United States has a screwed up culture that doesn’t like anyone showing sadness or grief ever, so we get stuck with those two emotions in particular. I believe we end up carrying around grief for a long time until something…
