Middle-Aged Woman Doesn’t Regret Not Having Children
And I’m a Mexican American who was raised Catholic and everything
People sometimes mention to me that they have children. I don’t respond and wait for them to get back to the topic of our Zoom. Sometimes, in person, a friend mentions that they have pictures of their kids in their Halloween costumes or on the vacation they just took. Maybe they reach for their phones and I say, “Oh, that’s okay.” Because they’re my friends they’re comfortable with my disinterest. They know Regina — in spite of being a pudgy, middle-aged, gray-haired, Mexican woman — just isn’t that into children.
But I used to be. I used to love children and babies and when I turned 30 I became fixated on how I hadn’t had any yet. I worried about finding a man and starting a family. This lasted until I took a job as a part-time nanny to a seven-week-old boy. I kept that job until he was 3 1/2 years old, caring for him three days a week, morning til night. It showed me just how much I really wanted a baby, which was: not that much.
After that, I wasn’t certain I wanted to be a mother. It still seemed like a good idea, but the nannying job seriously reduced the appeal. I remained undeclared for years, wondering about becoming a mother, but unable to commit to it. Finally in my late 30s, I realized…
