When Dying Wishes Cause Pain to the Living
How responsible are you for obeying when you’ll have to live with consequences?
When a dying wish conflicts with the needs of the living, which should take priority? Some cases are easier than others. A friend told me of a terminally ill woman who felt so worried about leaving her dog behind that she made her daughter promise to have the dog euthanized after she died. The daughter promised, but after her mother was gone, she made the decision to find the dog another home instead. Should the daughter live with the guilt of having disobeyed her mother’s dying wish? Many people would probaby say no.
But where’s the cutoff point? Several years ago near the end of her life, my mother developed terrible health and my father became her caretaker. Her strength was failing, but she didn’t want anyone to know, even her own daughters. She swore my dad to secrecy and only changed her mind when she received a prognosis of having a few months to live.
At that point, my mother let me and my sister know she was dying, but she didn’t want anyone in our extended family to know. Considering that my parents came from large families, this meant keeping my mother’s illness from a lot of people, including at least one person who cared very much for my mother and would have flown out…
